[에세이 만점은 독서 교육으로부터!] The Cat Ate My Gymsuit by Paula Danziger
Synopsis:
Marcy has problems. She wants to be “normal” and fit in, but she is worried about being overweight and friendless. When her favorite teacher, the strong-willed and defiant Ms. Finney, is fired, Marcy feels a deep need to take action and stand up for what she believes. Through her struggle, she realizes her power and importance, and finds her true self.
Essay Question
In this book, Ms. Finney is fired from her job as English teacher because of her personal views and because she does not use traditional teaching methods. Pretend you are Marcy or another student from Ms. Finney‘s English class. Write an essay persuading the school board members that a teacher should have the freedom to design the curriculum to meet the needs of his/her class.
Student Essay
Dear School Board Members,
We would like to protest about having Ms. Finney back as a teacher in our class. We would like Ms. Finney back because she is fun, educational, and inspirational. We admire her teachers and she believes in what is right for her. Although she doesn’t say the Pledge of Allegiance, we should believe in our rights don‘t we? We as a class love her and we want her back.
Teachers should have the freedom to design the curriculum to meet our needs. Ms.Finney should know what our best thing is and our worst part is and our worst part is in certain subjects. Ms. Finney should do what she plans to do unless the class is behind. We know that the Ms. Finney isn’t asking us to do this but we are saying what we believe in. So all we are saying is that a teacher should design the curriculum to meet our standards.
When we Ms. Finney back, in return, you can give us extra homework and classwork, we will stay after school and clean our class up so the janitor doesn‘t have to clean after us, or when the inspector comes to check our lockers, we will tell others to keep it neat so we can win the inspection and make our school name great. All we want is our teacher back.
Sincerely,
Nancy and class
Teacher Comments
Overall, this is good, but your first sentence is confusing. You say you want to protest about having her back. No, you want to protest her firing. I know what you mean, but it’s more confusing than it needs to be. You are protesting her firing...you protest what you do not like. You can protest FOR something you want, but it‘s best just to say you are protesting her firing. You want her back.
Here is a problem sentence: “Although she doesn’t say the Pledge of Allegiance, we should believe in our rights don‘t we?” The problem is that you start to make a statement, but then turn it into a question. That does not work. You have to keep statements and questions separated. Make a statement and then ask the question, but keep them apart.
Your second paragraph is good, but providing a specific example of a change she made that worked well for your class would help. You need to give an example. Try to SHOW your audience Ms. Finney teaching her students real lessons in one of her creative methods. We must SEE this.
Wow, your last paragraph really makes a big offer to the school board, and it helps prove how much you want Miss Finney back aa a teacher. It is quite convincing and strong. Good job. I don’t believe any other students have made that same promise in this letter/essay, so I must say you are quite creative!
Please fix the sentences I pointed out and add examples to the second paragraph for revision.